Get one!
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2003-12-11 - 5:10 p.m.
Well Paul finally looked up from all that complex math to call me. I'm not miffed anymore because he's all stressed out from finals and I can't be mad at him when he's like that! Anyway he called me and then I called him back. Then he said this thing that made my jaw drop. Now you have to understand Paul NEVER and I mean NEVER lets people know he needs them. He just broods and we figure it out. It's some macho guy thing maybe? Anyway he tells me in this really soft, sad voice that he wishes I was there and how I would be a boost to get him through the rest of exams. Now we all know that he would not study if I went up there(stop with the dirty mind), he would want to go to Starbucks and the bookstore and eat and possibly clubbing but NO studying would occur. It's sweet that he misses me but my husband would light fires and buy firearms if I went up there. If I was out of here already I'd have jumped in my car and sped up there and hugged him and helped him get through this finals thing but the reality is, I'm this close to getting out of here and I don't want to be the next Laci peterson. I swear my life is like some movie of the week! I feel bad because I lied to Paul. I've never really done that but it seems the right thing to do. He said that he was going to stay a few more days up there when finals are over before he comes here. My heart sank. I told him I was ok and he should do whatever he needed to do and I would be ok. That was the biggest lie ever. I miss him so much I feel sick. I'm making huge decisions and I want my best friend here to comfort me. I want Broodfest 2003!! But I was selfless and let him think I was ok with his decision. Now I am just sad and lost but I can't tell him because he's stressed enough! Stupid Complex Variables!! I am so not ready for christmas right now. Everyone in the house is stressed out because my grandmother is coming and everything apparantly has to be perfect. Her stupid trip is the only reason I'm waiting till after christmas to leave this nightmare! I need a mocha and another dose of Xanax!! �
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